We give out relationship advice all the time to friends and family. One of the biggest difference in relationships that I have experienced personally and with clients that make them successful is … What POSITION you put your partner in. People have a vertical alignment that they are governed by whether that is consciously or unconsciously. Not sure what a Vertical Alignment is? Simply put, it’s the importance of a specific value chain in your life from top to bottom. For example, some people have the vertical alignment of God, Family, Business.
For each person, they have a different vertical alignment based on what phase of life they are in, how strong their values are and how disciplined they are with them. My relationship advice is to take a moment to inter-reflect and write down what you believe your vertical alignment is for you. After you have done this, take a look at your relationship, is it where you want it to be? If not, look and identify where your partner is in the equation.
Sometimes we don’t have our partner in a position within their vertical alignment that allows them to have a loving, passionate fulfilling relationship. For example, married couples that put their spouse number 1 over the kids have a far more successful relationship. Not saying the kids aren’t important because they definitely are, they need to see an example of love within a relationship (I could go on more into the psychology of it all but will leave that for a future video blog).
Another way of stating this is to what priority are you putting first in your life. I believe when you strip back the layers of life, at the core of what life is, is LOVE! What is more important than your relationship with yourself and than your partner. Are you putting your partner first in your life (outside of yourself) or is it work? Facebook? Sports? Etc….if you wonder why you’re in and out of relationships, it’s because of positioning.
To have a healthy relationship, positioning your relationship and partner at the top of your vertical alignment can have a MASSIVE shift in your life. Now I get people put a position with God, Universe, Higher Power, Creator first (I have God at the top of mine). However, what comes after that pinnacle of your vertical alignment? If you do not position your partner at the top, this can not just affect your relationship. It could also it could affect your business, career, emotional state/home and so much more.
I promise you, you have your partner in the wrong position of your relationship- it’s failing. Here’s a principle that you can carry with you in your tool belt: put your partner and their needs first and watch how much more you’re fulfilled. Your relationship will flourish. With that said….you must now be CONSISTENT!
The best relationship advice you can take is you must first make a decision that your partner’s position is number one! After you made that commitment to yourself, you have to be consistent. Here are a few tools I use to remind myself to put my partner and needs first:
1. Each Morning My Alarm Goes Off: I have an alarm that goes off at 7:15am each morning and I title it “ Remember All The Reasons You Love Christina! <3”
2. Check My Vision Board: I look at my vision board and I have a picture of my wife on there right in the center of it. She’s in the middle to remind me that she’s ALWAYS my bullseye/target to win each day.
3. Pray For Your Partner: Each morning I start my day off with Prayer and I always include my wife into my prayers.
There are infinite numbers of ways to remind yourself to position your partner first. The challenge with this is that most people never set up or create these powerful reminders. They are the catalyst for helping you keep your vertical alignment in check.
Just like anything in life, you can do what you want but as a friend, I wanted to share what makes my wife and my relationship flourish with electrifying love. Most people believe that the relationship will just work themselves out. After thousands of coaching sessions on this topic and from personal experience – I can tell you that nothing works itself out unless you do the work. We take relationship advice from everyone but believe no one. What does that mean? We take that relationship advice and see if it fits for us. If it works, we keep it. If not, we release it, that simple.
Most people do not understand what we mean by work when it comes to positioning your partner first. Some of the “work” that we are talking about is not just the physical action that you take. It is also the internal work (conversations, stories, imagery, etc) that you will take on to make both of your cups overflow.
This can help even those that are going to marriage counseling. I am a huge fan of marriage counseling or marriage coaching also. It’s a place that couples can come to ask relationship questions to receive answers that are outside their scope of knowledge.
The biggest mistake I see are that couples reject going to marriage counseling or coaching. This is because they are afraid others will see them and judge them. A great alternative is online relationship counseling or coaching. Christina and I are here for private relationship coaching if you desire. You can join our group coaching program to have the community to help support you in your transformation. What you do NOT want to do is jump on dating sites while you are in a relationship. That is a big No-no” and shows your lack of commitment to making it work between you and your partner.
With everything I given you today, you are the only one that can make the decision to implement this all. Without action, you get no traction. This is my input and hope you take it and realign with your partner so that you can bathe each other in your love. You get one shot at life and you deserve to have a beautiful loving relationship. So….realign that vertical alignment, take these tools and most of all, have fun. Here’s to a lifetime of happiness, love, and passion to all you love birds <3
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The Power Of Vision (In Love)…
Over the last few decades I have encountered many relationships and witnessed the brutality and the passion a relationship can have. After years of being in relationships that did not succeed as I hoped, frustrating break ups and even being cheated on, it sent me into an obsessive state to study relationships. As a result, I studied what caused a couple that were in there 60’s or 70’s to act like two teenagers that couldn’t get enough of each other and others that were together for a few months or years, at each others necks!
In my studying I found that according to the American Psychological Association (APA), about 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in a divorce in the United States. This was mind blowing! How does this happen? As I started to dig, I found the one of the core components that most couples rarely talk about or even develop to help them have a successful, passionate relationship. The secret that most couples do not have established is….
A VISION FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP….
Most people miss this. They have visions for their finances, their careers and their retirement but they miss the one thing that will truly make them RICH. Out of all the relationships that I coach from clients to friends, 99% of them lack a vision for their relationship. Whether your religious or not, the bible states in Proverbs 29:18 that “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he (KJV).” This piece of literature from thousands of years ago even understood this principle. I believe it applies to love too.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi
So Joe…..how do I create my vision for my relationship? Thats a great question…let me give you 3 simple steps to create your vision for your current or future relationship:
Step 1: Get clear what you truly desire in your ideal relationship. Don’t hold back on anything you desire. It does not have to be perfect the first time. Just get something out to get the ball rolling.
Step 2: Cross out anything that does not move and inspire you. If you’re not inspired by this vision then you may want to check what you wrote. Grab what really calls to your spirit at your core. What feels right about it?
Step 3: View it, Speak it, Do it. Review your vision everyday, speak it out loud over and over- review it and be a conscious creator of this vision.
Still having trouble? Let me show you my PERSONAL relationship vision to help you out. The picture below is what hangs on my wall that I review along with other components but I wanted to show you mine to help give you and idea of what yours could look like. Borrow, steal, or model mine but I would encourage you to have one that supports you.
One of the best places to explore this is at Tony Robbins “Date With Destiny” event that he holds once a year in the U.S.A. His event is power packed and creating a vision for your relationship is one area that you get clarity on (If you ever would like to attend, message me and I will make sure you are taken care of). I highly recommend this event for anyone that is in the personal growth world and looking to grow.
This is the cornerstone of any relationship and it would shock you how many people do not have one. Go ahead and ask your friends, parents, grandparents if they have one. Time does not substitute for a lack of one. You will find this to be true and I do not want you to fall victim to societies habits. Join the ranks of the 1%. When I do relationship coaching we look at this as a starting ground for the success of the relationship. Remember, the relationship needs to be feed and nourished also.
I am going to give you some bonus material because I have a passion for helping people in this area of love. I believe that if you’re fulfilled in your relationship then you “Won The Game Of Life.” Everything else is a bonus. Here is a post my Queen and I created a few weeks ago that I believe you will gain some insight or value from.
To Watch The Bonus Video- Click Here!
I hope this serves you and you are able to take those 3 simple steps and apply them. My action step is for you to create your vision for your relationship and share it below in the comments. If you found this to be helpful please share it, give it a 5 Star rating at the top and go out there and love like you never loved before. If you know that this area of your life could use some expert input and coaching, reach out under the Services tab, under coaching, and I will be in contact with you to help support you in anyway I can because you deserve love and Im in your corner! P.s….I expect to be at your wedding haha
Have a beautiful day and love you!
Make today count,
Peak Performance Coach
“Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible-it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment and offer you more joy than any material possession could.” ~ Barbara D’Angelis